WE FILIPINOS are suckers for noontime shows. Noontime shows are the biggest daily event in our lives. A carenderia, a clinic, a bus terminal, a barbershop, a police station, a barangay hall that doesn’t have a TV set on at noon has a PR sense of a toad. We wonder how dull life would be without noontime shows to make us laugh, cry and look stupid.
Surprisingly, of the thousands of self-help books in the local market today, there’s not one on how to create a top-rating noontime show. So as a sucker for noontime shows myself, I wrote this initial draft on a book I will call “Act Stupid, You’re On Some Noontime Show.” Read the rest of this entry »
( Last of two parts )
THE story of Arnel Pineda (pre-YouTube years) is typical of rock musicians who are in a band for economic rather than artistic reasons. Playing originals doesn’t put food on the table, while doing certified Bon Jovi monstrosities can at least land you a contract in Japan.
This is understandable, especially in the case of Pineda, who spent two years of his childhood out on the streets of Manila collecting empty bottles and metal scrap, and discovered his voice as his only way out of this poverty. Thanks to his mother who taught him Barbara Streisand songs when he was a little boy. (I’m not kidding.) Read the rest of this entry »
(First of 2 parts)
IF you’re a fan of Charice Pempengco and Arnel Pineda, you might think I’m making fun of your heroes; so to be safe, skip this column and proceed to the Horoscope section.
If you’re still there, it’s nice to know we share the same irritation with anything that devours talents like it’s the Great Famine. It’s double the annoyance when you see the talents yielding like dumb sheep. It’s thrice the exasperation when you can’t change channel without seeing them being interviewed by Ellen DeGeneres, Oprah, Boy and Kris, Sharon Cuneta, Korina Sanchez, and the President of the Philippines.
What’s next, Charice on Al Jazeera? Read the rest of this entry »
In elementary, I was a member of a children’s choir that performed only during Christmas. We were different from other choral groups in that we didn’t sing the usual Christmas carols. Instead, we performed a number that was almost 30 minutes long, complete with choreography that required a lot of stomping of the feet and prancing around.
The song was like a gozos, only that the stanzas were recited instead of sung. It was a narrative of the first Christmas, and we played the role of shepherds telling each other hey, come on, let’s follow that star and visit this child in a manger. What about the sheep? To hell with the sheep! Read the rest of this entry »
I love judging choral contests because they are funny. Gone are the days when choir singing was a serious business reserved for the musically gifted. Today, anybody with the musical intelligence of a frog can join a choir for those mandatory daygon contests in schools or the workplace. It is fun, like Christmas should be.
I’m not talking about ‘professional’ singing groups. They are the type that win awards abroad but are seldom recognized at home. They are boring. When singers start forming a perfect ‘O’ with their mouths for that modulated vocal effect, you know they are faking it. Besides, when one starts singing for awards, the element of fun is gone. Read the rest of this entry »
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WHICH takes more effort, smiling or frowning? Experts say it takes more muscles to smile than it does to frown. In that case, I’m suffering from facial muscle fatigue since I’m what you may call a frown person.
Admit it, you’re a frown person too. You know there’s more reason around you to frown than smile. You only smile because that’s what your kindergarten teacher taught you to win friends or to get along in life. Read the rest of this entry »
One good thing about working in a newspaper…
… is that you get featured every once in a while. 🙂 Read the rest of this entry »
EVERYTIME Mr. Ryan Cayabyab opens his mouth, the country’s music buffs listen. They know that if they don’t, there’s no more reason left to respect each other.
“Hey, we just snubbed Ryan Cayabyab. Now let’s snub Levi Celerio, too, and Jose Mari Chan, and Rey Valera.” And so on, and so forth, until the younger generation follows suit and murders Ely Buendia, Vennie Saturno, Ogie Alcasid and Rico Blanco, in that order. It’s going to be the Stupid Noontime Show of the Philippine music industry. Imagine listening to Lito Camo songs all your life. Read the rest of this entry »