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The cockroach is an aging emo

I’ve a confession to make. Since I’m so into weepy stuff these days that I’m starting to doubt if I’m not gay, I need to tell you this: I’m an emo. Yes, you heard it right, E-M-O. I know my girl will kill me for this. But girl, I know you knew this all along, so this won’t come as a shock to you anymore. If this means goodbye, please send me back the eyeliner I gave you last Christmas because I actually bought that for me and my emo friends for our emo nights spent watching emo concerts on some emo parking lot under the gray emo sky.

When did this all start? One day while having beer and yosi outside the house, I caught myself staring at a cockroach lying on its back trying vainly to stave off an attack by an army of red ants. It wriggled its flat body and shook its feet at the swarm of fiery reds before lying completely still, lifeless. I swear I saw tears in the cockroach’s eyes.

I stared at the dead cockroach. Before I could ask the classic existential question “how does it feel to live and die like a cockroach,” I muttered to myself in horror, “God, I’ve turned into an emo!” While I was doing that, these lyrics blasted from the neighbor’s loudspeakers: “To be hurt / To feel lost / To be left out in the dark / To be kicked when you’re down / To feel like you’ve been pushed around /… Welcome to my life.”

Now, when the world starts listening to bands like Simple Plan, something’s terribly wrong with the way God arranged the universe. And we emo hate it.

When I decided I was emo, I didn’t even know what emo was. I’d read somewhere that a genuine emo is one who lives the life of an emo without even knowing what an emo is. This sounds confusing because you have to be an emo to understand emo. And yet for all your innocence about things emo, you’re actually living the genuine emo lifestyle. See?

There’s no age requirement. You could be ten, 15 or 85 and still be able to contemplate living the life of the cursed cockroach. I’m not being Kafkaesque here, as we emos seldom immerse ourselves in literature. Although, in rare bursts of poetic genius, we churn out lines like “Every night I talk to the stars pretending it’s you / It acts just like you though / Far away and never replies to my questions.” That’s emo poetry par excellence.

Emo, I was told, is plainly feeling shitty about yourself and the world in general. Ever felt sad why you’re not as hot as Richard Gutierrez? Emo. Ever wondered why you can’t pass Trigonometry? Emo. Can’t decide between boxers and briefs? Emo.

But like I said, it’s difficult to define emo when you’re living life as one. So, I’m reprinting here objective definitions of emo – one criticizing the music (and the lifestyle), the other defending it rabidly by telling us what it is not.

1. Emo is a genre of softcore punk music that integrates unenthusiastic, melodramatic 17-year-olds who don’t smile, high pitched overwrought lyrics and inaudible guitar riffs, tight wool sweaters, tighter jeans, itchy scarves, ripped chucks, black square rimmed glasses, and ebony greasy unwashed hair that is required to cover at least one third of the face at an angle.

2. Emo is not short for emotional. Emo does not mean Taking Back Sunday and Dashboard Confessional, despite what MTV has led you to believe. Emo is not sidebangs, tight pants, and male vocalists who sing like little girls about their failed relationships. Emo is not the use of diluted, meaningless metaphors and similes such as “My arms are like pinecones,” and most definitely it is not the rampant use of words such as “heart,” “knife,” and “bleeding.”

Well, the cockroach is still the best emo metaphor, don’t you think? No? Emo!

SUN.STAR CEBU, OCT. 14, 2008

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14 Responses to “The cockroach is an aging emo”

  1. ‘soy, ambot sa emo!

    😀

  2. emo ning tagay o. 🙂

  3. “swerti ko, swerti ka pare ko, kay karon emo na ang uso” 😆

  4. OMG! I think I’m emo…wow.eye opener..heeheheheh

  5. wrong tayming ani oi. i just swore to labs hiphops yesterday. 🙂

  6. apir sa bai hahahaah

  7. dan da sigbin!!!!

    musta ang singapore campaign for tsinelas? 😉

    idol kaau ui! hehehe

  8. “Emo is good but only for an hour. Beyond that, you’re a drama queen. (smileys)”
    -ipa-copyright na ni na quote soy, hehehe..
    unsa pa gani tong usa na quote na imong giingon na nindot? nakalimot ko, hahaha.

  9. kahinumdom na ko!!!
    “hahay rei, you’re too old for your age.”

  10. “Emo is good but only for an hour. Beyond that, you’re a drama queen.”

    and

    “hahay rei, you’re too old for your age.”

    wow! soy, isa kang henyo! aw. emo diay!

    tagay na taaa!

  11. upon reading your post..now i dunno what emo means..really..ahahah.. maybe if emo nang ibutang sa dictionary makasabot nako..ahaha..

    brainunderdestruction

  12. i was an emo before… but now, no more… hehe.. hi sir!


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