insoymada
mga awit ug yawit sa kasingkasing bisaya

Frenchster (connecting people)

(Another old article supposedly for repost here last month. In case you haven’t noticed yet, I’m storing here all my old columns along with the recent ones before I totally shut down my googlepages account)

AS a serious columnist, I feel it my obligation to write only about things that matter, like siopao, hanging rice, beauty pageants, hip-hop, things that life can’t do without.

I feel it my duty to be relevant, to write about flowers in May, weddings in June, reindeers in December and love in February. Any writing done in February that leaves out love in its prose does the reader injustice.

It is, therefore, my journalistic mission to talk about love today, physical intimacy particularly, kissing most specifically.

I’m thinking of the French kiss as the only kind of kiss that matters. For lack of sufficient experience on this matter (I’m not kidding), I did some research on the topic to spare you the risks of learning the rudiments of the kiss from an officemate.

Timing is most essential in French kissing, my research says. Pay close attention to your partner’s breathing. Is she panting and breathless? Go right in for the kill. Are her inhalations calm and predictable? Take it slow. Is she not breathing? Call an ambulance. A bottle of Merthiolate will come in handy if your partner wears braces.

But first, the basics. Know your mouth. It’s important to know the length of your tongue, the thickness of your lips and how wide your jaw opens so you will know what you are capable of doing.

In all types of French kiss, the mechanics are the same: tilt your head to one side, part your lips, shove your tongue into your partner’s mouth, then explore what’s inside. My research says breathe through your nose, unless it’s stuffy.

All great variations of the French kiss can be summarized into two types: the Lusty French and the Coy French.

Lusty French does away with formalities. You and your partner want each other quick. Your tongues are already locked in a twirl before you know you’re kissing. Still, some techniques should not be lost in the licking.

Slow down. My source’s exact advice is you roll your tongue in circles around your partner’s. Thrust shallow, then thrust deep. Playfully bite your partner’s lower lip, then lick it. Do the same with the upper lip. Then suddenly go full throttle.

In the Coy French, you sweet-talk your way to a great French. You can’t ignore your partner’s mellow breathing here. Establish eye contact. Look like you’re pleading for rain.

Then kiss her softly. No tongue yet. Just brush your lips against her lips, up and down, like a gentle nod. Smooch sideways, left to right, right to left, like you’re scraping her lipstick off. Gently rub the tip of her nose with the tip your nose and giggle, as if you’re feeling guilty your mother might know how naughty you are.

Moan a little. The vibrations your moan makes on your partner’s lips will do wonders. Then slowly slip your tongue between her lips, slide it in and slide it out, until friction elevates the moment to the Lusty French.

A final word of advice. Before going out with your date, practice alone in the mirror.

(sun.star weekend)

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2 Responses to “Frenchster (connecting people)”

  1. what do like soy? the coy or the lusty one? way botbotay!

  2. hi doc tess. honestly doc, di gyud ko relate ani personally. i just wrote it basi sa akong nabasahan ug nadunggan sa uban. seriously. 🙂 salamat sa pagbisita doc.


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