Skinny jeans

The “skinny” is that hideous garment that for about two years now has fooled women into thinking they look 50 pounds skinnier in it. But the skinny is that hideous garment that only displaces all those fat elsewhere and to the top of the waist up to the neck, making women look like chicken lollipops.

The skinny is that hideous garment that fools women into thinking they are Kate Moss, who resurrected the whole farce from the 50s because she knew she is Kate Moss and the rest of womanity want to be Kate Moss. But the skinny is that hideous garment that only drops a woman’s butt two feet down to the back of the knees, making her look like a tortured duck having a hard time walking. And whenever the words “torture,” “duck” and “chicken lollipop” find themselves in one blog entry, they definitely refer to something comical.

The skinny jeans is that hideous garment that makes women think they’re “cool” and “edgy” when actually they had to suffer all the difficult ritual of laying prone in bed every morning to squeeze themselves into a rigid piece of clothing for that constipated look. Where’s “cool” in that sausage image? And whenever the word “sausage” and “constipated” find themselves in one blog entry, there’s something definitely comical going on.

The skinny is that hideous piece of garment that had punkistas worrying if their trademark anorexic ambitions hadn’t crossed over to the mainstream side of fashion (I am one of those melodramatic fools, neurotic to the bone no doubt about it tsag-tsag-tsag-tsag-tsag…..).

The skinny is that hideous piece of female garment that leaves us men wondering what’s the matter with our girlfriends and what have we done seriously wrong to deserve this.

But the skinny is that hideous piece of garment that has about five months left to live (the lifetime of cheap denims worn daily) so men, let’s not deny our girls a little more pleasure of believing they’re Kate Moss and we’re the equally emaciated Pete Doherty.

The last pairs will soon be peeled.